i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
