You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
