I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
