Jerry, you need to find god
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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