Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
