i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
