I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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