hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
