my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
