She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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