I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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