i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
