forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
