just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
