Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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