Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
