I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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