HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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