He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
