At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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