onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
