i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
