i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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