Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
