You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
