At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
