so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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