if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
