2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
send nudes
from the living room?
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