my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
