I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
