You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
