too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
