Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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