I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
