my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize