Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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