I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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