your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is Oprah even human
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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