Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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