Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
