He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
