Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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