we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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