I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
