i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
