I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
