I want to stick my p in your. b.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
