i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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