so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
