i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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