when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize