I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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