I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize