i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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