At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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