I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
40s are totally the cure
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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