I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
