I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
