u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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