I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
