The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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