He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
