i just wanna soil my oats bro
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize