and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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