he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he's gonorrhea incarnate
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
