Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
