he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
