just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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