Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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