My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
