So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
