ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
